[Alazzo]

Paddy Irishman, Paddy Scotsman, Paddy Englishman were caught in Cuba for a serious crime. The sentance was Death by Firing Squad. Paddy Englishman was first up and to distract the firing squad shouted HURRICANE and they all dispersed and Paddy Englishman escaped. Second up was Paddy Scotsman. To distract the Firing Squad he shouted TORNADO. They all dispersed and Paddy Scotsman escaped. Finally the Irishman was next and to distract the firing squad he shouted FIRE!!!

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[Alazzo]

Paddy Irishman's Great inventions (or so he thinks):

A pedal powered wheelchair.
Waterproof teabags.
An underwater hair dryer.
Windscreen wipers for submarines.
Non-stick sticky tape.
An inflatable dartboard for campers.
An index for a dictionary.
Beer glasses with square bases so they don’t leave rings on the bar.
Ejector seats in helicopters.
Underground airports.
Wind-down windows on a submarine.
Unsinkable submarine.
Boomerang bullets.
Air-conditioners for motorbikes.
Anti-lock cars.
Toxic Toothpaste.
An ashtray for a motorbike.
Waterproof sponges.
Fireproof Matches.
Parachutes that open on impact.
The one-piece jigsaw puzzle.

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[Alazzo]

Paddy the Irishman was showing Paddy the Englishman and Paddy the Scotsman The biggest building in his native town.

Paddy the Scotsman said, 'Back home we have buildings ten times The size of that.'

Paddy the Englishman said, 'Back home we have buildings a hundred times The size of that.'

'I'm not surprised,' said Paddy the Irishman. That's The local lunatic asylum.'

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[Alazzo]

An Englishman and a Scotsman were playing golf together when The Englishman's ball hit Paddy.

When Paddy came to, he said to The Englishman, That will cost you five thousand pounds in compensation.'

'But I said fore,' said The Englishman.

I'll take it,' said Paddy

What a dumb!!!

LOL

[Alazzo]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman all claimed to be The most famous of The three of them.

'I'm known all over England,' said The Englishman.

'I'm known all over The world and other places besides,' said The Scotsman.


'Let me show you both how famous I am,' said The Irishman. So they all travelled to Italy together, to The Vatican and into St Peter's Square.

The Englishman and The Scotsman looked up and saw Paddy The Irish- man standing on The balcony with his arm around The Pope, waving to The crowd.

An Italian standing nearby said to The Englishman and The Scotsman, 'Who's that fellow on The balcony beside The Irishman?'

[Alazzo]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were invited to have dinner with a bishop. They were told that The bishop was very formal and that everything said at The meal had to be chanted in rhyming verse.
The Englishman went: 'Your honour divine Will you pass me The wine?'
The Scotsman went: 'Your honour supreme Will you pass me The cream?'
The Irishman went: You baldy headed bugger Will you pass me The sugar?'

D'uh!!!

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[Alazzo]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were asked in a survey what nationality they would like to have been born if they hadn't been born The nationality they were.
'If I hadn't been born English,' said The Englishman, 'I would have liked to have been French.'
'If I hadn't been born Scottish,' said The Scotsman, 'I would have liked to have been Irish.'
'If I hadn't been born Irish,' said The Irishman, 'I would have been ashamed of myself.'

[Alazzo]

A Small Pie

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were hungry one night and had money only for a small pie. Since it was too small to divide they decided to go to sleep and The pie would go to The person who had The most interesting dream.
When they woke up in The morning. The Englishman said, 'I had a very interesting dream. I dreamed I was ruler over The whole world. You can't get more interesting than that, so I deserve The pie.'
'Hold it,' said The Scotsman. 'I dreamed I was ruler over The whole universe, so that pie belongs to me.'
'I had The most interesting dream of all,' said The Irishman. 'I dreamed I was hungry, so I got up and ate The pie.'

Poor the Scottish man! Sod the English Man! LOL

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[Alazzo]

This one is the best one so far! LOL

read on fellows

Paddy the Irishman, Paddy the Englishman and Paddy the Scotchman were out in Iraq, and Sadam Hussein caught them trying to escape. He gave them a choice of death by one of three methods, get shot, get hung or be injected with AIDS.


Paddy the Englishman was up first, and being a coward, he chose to be shot.


Paddy the Scotchman decided he'd be brave and go for the hanging.


Paddy the Irishman was then asked for his choice of execution method, and he asked for AIDS. So they rolled up his sleeve and gave him the injection and all the time he had a big smile on his face.


The executioner asked him why he was so happy when he had just been injected with a deadly virus.


Paddy the Irishman just laughed and said 'Sure I'm wearing a condom!'


LOL

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[Alazzo]

U English may not like this one! LOL

Paddy the Englishman, Paddy the Irishman, Paddy the Scotsman, and Paddy the Welshman were all flying together in an airliner. The captain announced that they were losing altitude rapidly and that one of them would have to jump out to save the others.

'I do this for the glory of Scotland,' said Paddy the Scotsman and he jumped out.

'We need to lose more weight,' said the captain, so Paddy the Welshman shouted, 'I do this for the glory of Wales,' and jumped out.

'Sorry,' said the captain. 'I'm afraid we need to lose the weight of just one more person.'

'I do this for the glory of Ireland,' said Paddy the Irishman and threw out Paddy the Englishman.

Oh Dear!!!

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[Alazzo]

Strange not to hear any tempers from Irish!!! must be laid back or too thick!!!

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, 'Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser.'

'Oh really, hmm, didn't know that.'

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. 'I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care.' The second Englishman remarked, 'You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn.' So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, 'Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!'

'Oh really, hmm, didn't know that.'

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. 'You're right. He's unshakable!'

The third Englishman remarked, 'Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch.' So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, 'I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!'

'Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me.'


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[Alazzo]

I wonder if the fly do understand English Language?????

One day Paddy the Englishman, Paddy the Scotsman, and Paddy the Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. Paddy the Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. Paddy the Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. Paddy the Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, 'SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT , GET YOUR OWN!!!!'

Alazzo

[Alazzo]

IRISH BUILDER! THICK ONE!!!!

Paddy worked on a building site and one day a Slate came down from the roof and cut his ear off.Paddy and his workmates tried to locate his ear in the muck and dirt etc.An ear was found and Paddy was asked Is This Your Ear? Paddy says No, Mine had a PENCIL on it!!!!!!!!!

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[Alazzo]

An Irishman goes into a shop and buys a chainsaw. Two weeks later he returns the chainsaw and says to the shop assistant: '2 weeks ago I bought this chainsaw and you said that it would chop down 50 trees in an hour. I can only manage 2 trees.'

The shop assistant says, 'let me see', and starts the machine up. BRRRRRR!!!

The Irishman jumps back in surprise and says 'what's that noise?!?'



What a dork!

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[Alazzo]

Paddy the Irishman went into a post office to see if there were any letters for him.
'I'll see, sir,' said the clerk.
'What is your name?'
'You're having me on now because I'm Irish,' said Paddy 'Won't you see the name on the envelope?'



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[Alazzo]

Never wear back to the front jacket! Ouch!!!!


It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day. After a wee bit, Paddy who was sitt'n behind Seamus on the bike began to holler ...'Seamus ... Seamus ... the wind is cutt'n me chest out!'

'Well, Paddy my lad,' said Seamus, 'why don't you take your jacket off and turn it from front to back ... that'll block the wind for you.'

So Paddy took Seamus' advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again. After a bit, Seamus turned to talk to Paddy and was horrified to see that Paddy was not there. Seamus immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route. When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Paddy who was sitting on the ground.

'T'anks be to heaven, is he alright?' Seamus hailed to the farmers.
'Well,' said one of the farmers, ' he was alright when we found him here .. but since we turned his head back to front .. he hasn't said a word since!'





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[miss_smiff]

LOL!! I like AIDS one it is so funniest of all!... got any more alazzo?

[ryanm]

lol, they are all good! any more? where did u find them from?

[coolfox]

Strange not to hear any tempers from Irish!!! must be laid back or too thick!!!

Excuse me but may i just point out that this is what u sed in the first place!!!

U English may not like this one! LOL

So i guess you misread the joke so should take back the comment on calling us thick!